just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
