If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
