I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
