when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
