Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize