mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
