My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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