your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
accomplished twins. life is a go
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize