hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
