I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
