I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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