So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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