bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
me + whiskey = a bad person
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
