i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
