We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
