Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
