my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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