you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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