Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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