I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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