Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
