I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
