there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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