I have demons in me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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