he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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