Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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