hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
