why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
soo... how was my night?
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