peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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