i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
