A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You need Xanax blowdarts
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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