4 words: hood of his car
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
