You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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