It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
a search helicopter?!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
