it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
