she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize