i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
