What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
