Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
