i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
