Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
