whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize