My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
