When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
