Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
