Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize