A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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