That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
