so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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