Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
