I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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