so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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