Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
