I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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