i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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