all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
