I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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