my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
