i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize