apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
