I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
