His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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