I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
