somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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