Sry I called you an 8
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
