**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
