I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry about my life...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
