I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
