i just had sex bonerless
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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