addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
