Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
