I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
