He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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