Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
