i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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