the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
